Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
