how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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