This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
