I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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