You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
