I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
