"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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