I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
