i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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