And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
