theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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