Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
