She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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