went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
