I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
