ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
