no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
