Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
