we should wear snuggies to the strip club
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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