I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
