Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
