i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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