i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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