It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
