a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
