If that was your dad, he is hot
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
