Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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