i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
