I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
