Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
