Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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