just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need moral support for this bender
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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