Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
