Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
