Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he thought i was a dude.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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