Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
