just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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