just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
