We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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