It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
