Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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