I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
