I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
