Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
