Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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