I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He has the fingertips of a God
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