just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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