WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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