when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry about my life...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
