He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
