I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
