Jerry, you need to find god
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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