I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
