my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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