ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
