Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
