i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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