if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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