Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
