I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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