I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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