He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
