im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
