One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
