You're my little dorito
I just threw up on my dentist
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
