so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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