so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
