You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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