Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
