That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
