Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
