She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
