You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
