i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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