Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
